Being pregnant so soon after having Peter has been hard. Like really hard. There is no denying it or sugar coating it. It has been a rough nine months. It's been amazing to watch Peter learn and grow. It has also been really awesome to know that another little person will be making an appearance this summer.
However, trying to take care of pregnant self and my little Peter has been a challenge. My husband Andrew has been so supportive and helpful but there are just some burdens he can't share with me. So what brought on this post? Well, Peter just bit me. He drew blood. It hurt SO MUCH. I know it wasn't on purpose but it brought both of us to tears. Then I couldn't stop the flood gates from opening. Suddenly everything that was bothering me bubbled to the surface, mainly the fact that I am just so tired of being pregnant. Yes it is beautiful, yes it is life giving, yes being a mother is a wonderful gift BUT it's exhausting.
Baby James was a surprise. God knew we needed him in our lives. We can't wait to meet him, which is the typical sweet excitement that comes from a new baby, but I honestly can't wait to be out of my maternity clothes as well. So I find myself living for the future. That's not ok. There isn't anything wrong with me being tired but there is something wrong with not living in the moment. A tough journey is still a journey. Every journey deserves to be treasured and deeply meditated on. Wishing these last few weeks to fly by is a waste of energy, energy that should be used to capture every single moment in my heart. I know someday I'll miss being pregnant. I know someday I'll regret wanting to fast forward through these last few weeks.
There is nothing wrong with feeling the way I feel. I just can't dwell on it or throw myself a giant pity party culminating in a bon fire of all my maternity clothes. No... Right now I need to enjoy my energetic 11 month old Peter. Right now I need to memorize every kick and punch James throws my way. Right now I need to focus on a husband who loves me and still thinks I look beautiful at 36 weeks pregnant. I need to focus on the gifts God has given me TODAY, not the gifts He will give me tomorrow, but the gift of the present moment.
After writing this post I will take a nap and when I wake up I'll barely make it out of bed. BUT I will enjoy the moment, even if it is an extremely slow moving moment... You can come any day now James, and I promise to breath in every single part of that beautiful and glorious day.