My college swim coach always reminded us to avoid wasting energy. He didn't mean just physically but mentally too. He would tell us that you can only control what you're doing in the present moment. So take that moment at give it your all. Don't waste energy thinking about things you wish you could change about the past. Don't waste energy worrying about things in the future. You no longer have control of those things. Any negative time spent on the past or the future will only hurt you. Use your energy towards what is before you in that given moment.
Like many things I learned from swimming for 14 years, I still use this piece of advice everyday. Andrew and I are in a very busy season of our lives. We love being involved in our church and community but that means we almost never have a "free weekend". And with three kids under three sometimes I feel like I can't catch my breath. Like I'm in the middle of a "no- breather" set in the pool. However, the words of Frank Busch (my college coach) are very close to my heart in those moments.
So I pour myself a cup of coffee and I sit. Morning, nap time, nighttime, t.v. time, doesn't matter. I sit down (ideally undisturbed but I mean come on...) and evaluate where my energy is going. I can only control so much. I can only do my best. I can't spend time wondering if I should have chosen another major, or if blogging is really for me, or if I should be a SAHM, or if I've made a mistake in proudly declaring us a "homeschool" family before even really diving into course work, should I be going back to school for my masters (weird list of worries huh?). I can't. I simply can't. All I can do is make the right decisions for me and my family in the moment. Should I have majored in something different? Maybe, but I probably wouldn't have enjoyed college as much. Do I love blogging? Sure, but I could drop it anytime I choose. Do I want to be a SAHM? Absolutely, but that could change and that's ok. Is homeschooling right for our family? I hope so but I don't plan on closing the door to Catholic/Public education. Should I be going back to school? Maybe, but now just isn't the time.
That's all I can do. Put my energy towards the here and the now. I will not waste time on those worries. It is what it is. Now I just need to focus my energy on what is before me in this moment. I will love my husband and children so deeply and fully right now. Not later. But now. I'm not going to worry about all the dreams and ideas I have because I'm not "moving fast enough". One thing at a time, one day at a time. If these "dreams" are meant to be, then they'll happen exactly when they are supposed to.
With that said, I turn over to my notebooks scribbled with brain dumps and potential plans for the future. Barista Mommy is where I'm at right now and I'm happy. But some other fun things are on the horizon and I couldn't be more excited. However, I will not let these ideas and plans steal me away from the present moment. My husband and kids need me to be in the moment, not lost in the past or present. So while those dreams and ideas (hopefully) come to fruition, I'll continue to live in this very minute and not worry about what's in my past or what's to come. There is only today.