It's becoming increasingly more obvious that I can't do it all.
Which is lame. But something I need to remember.
As an athlete I have always held myself to some pretty high expectations. Always wanting to be better and always wanting more. It's a mentality that I find hard to shake. I'm not saying that having expectations for yourself is bad. It just needs to be a healthy dose. In my new phase of life I often find myself trying to meet unrealistic expectations as a wife, mother, blogger, and now entrepreneur. It's a tough reality to face and I hate waving the white flag but sometimes you have to do it.
*waves white flag*
I just need to cut myself some slack. Stop taking myself so seriously sometimes. Dance with the kids more, goof off with my husband more, let the sink pile up a little, and wonder a little longer at where on earth my living room floor is. I am such a type A person, but I'm being stretched out of that box in a good way. I need to stop filling myself up with lists and expectations. I would really like to slow down and just let the God's grace fill me, instead of trying to meet my crazy expectations. I want to trust more. I want to surrender more.
I'm sure this post comes off as a broken record since I know I've come out and said something along these lines before. But it's something I constantly need to remind myself of. And maybe you need a reminder too.
Yesterday in the bathtub I was making Peter and James laugh with funny faces. I felt so full of joy and content and I wondered why this bath time was different than the others? I realized that it was because I wasn't yelling at them to stop splashing water out of the tub or hurrying because I just wanted to get to bed time.... I then felt crushed at the thought that I don't laugh with my kids enough.
About a month ago I would get early, go for run, make coffee, and then enjoy some prayer and journaling. It felt so good to start my day like that. However, the last couple weeks haven't followed the same pattern and I need to back on track. Because I know that if I've started my day spending some time with God, then everything else will fall into place. Things will still be chaos but at least I'm ready for it.
So I'm going to take a deep breath. And probably another. And cut myself some slack. Life is certainly tough right now in a lot of areas but yet is still so very sweet. I'm going to try and stop expecting so much from myself and thinking I have to fix/do everything right away and do it perfectly. I need to give myself a break because I can only do the tasks before me with the grace and mercy I'm being given today.